we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize