Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
