i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
