My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
