How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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