I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
