I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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