I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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