I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
