What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
