Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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