dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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