don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
