can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
