Just fell off a train. Bad.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
