I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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