Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
