Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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