When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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