I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
