Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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