So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
