What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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