I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
