As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
