My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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