I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
