ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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