so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
