Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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