; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
