I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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