he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dear god my vagina.
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