Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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