My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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