Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
