Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
