Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
