Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
