i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
