Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize