I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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