I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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