she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
