i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
