everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
