the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
