This is not my ceiling
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
