So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
