I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
