Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
