Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
