I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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