I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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