One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need a beard to bite.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
