wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
