so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
