you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
