the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
