i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
