I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
