i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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