in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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